Sometimes feeling good is hard work.
If I’m not careful, I’ll push the good away by thinking that it is just too good to accept.
Today was an amazing day and I worked hard all day to enjoy all the good and ease in my life.
I chose to begin the day with a meditation outside in the grass. Wow! It feels so decadent to sit in the 6:30am morning sun and just breathe it in. I mean, isn’t that what movie stars and spiritual gurus do?
Fast forward to mid morning and I am on a walk with my infant son and my five year old friend, smelling flowers and being silly. It was so beautiful it felt like some sort of pharmaceutical ad!!
Later, as I sat in my nice new car, feeding my baby, I observed a family who was struggling. They were clearly living on the edge, maybe in the 25+ year old van they were reorganizing.
And I started to feel guilty. I started to feel bad that I had these things, these experiences… that my life was so good.
Who am I to expect this amazing life I live?
My life is abundant with love, amazing experiences and resources. In the past, after seeing something so hard, I may have felt guilty for the rest of the day or the week, denying myself ease and abundance.
But today was different. I am getting better at remembering the truth.
The truth is that I deserve all the abundance I can attract to me. We all do.
We all do.
For the rest of the day I allowed myself to continue to make choices that support my dream life.
I spent time relaxing in the park…
I allowed myself to accept my mom’s invitation for help and she came and took care of my son for the afternoon…
I purchased a toy for my son so he won’t scream until he’s blue when riding in the car…
I bought fancy iced drinks for me and mom…
I spent a couple hours working on my projects…
And best of all… I allowed myself to order a vegan pizza for dinner instead of cooking the stir-fry we had planned, because I just wanted to relax.
I deserve for life to be filled with ease and abundance. We all do.
For me it takes constant attention and vigilance to remember that we deserve to feel good. The work required is returned a million times over.
Remembering the feeling I have now is my motivation to do it again tomorrow.
Though beautiful in its wild glory.. this overgrown mess used to be my vegetable garden.
I had plans to go BIG with it this year; was gonna try and grown most of my veggies, which for my family, is a considerable undertaking.
I researched, I planned, I created schedule.
I even bought some adorable new garden clogs.
However, the universe had other plans for me.
The week we were meant to do our first planting, we adopted our son instead.
So, this year, instead of growing vegetables, I am growing a little family.
When I look at this jungle and begin to stress about what the neighbors are thinking…
….about how I didn’t follow through on my plans….
…I remember that this mess signifies the creation of something so much more beautiful.
Being a parent requires that you are always learning new skills. You are always out of your comfort zone. In short, you are continually a beginner. And for some of us, that is an incredibly tall order.
This is never truer than when you are a new parent!! EVERYTHING is new, almost every detail of your life has changed and you’re looking for anything to grab onto to maintain your orientation and sense of self.
How do you respond to being a newbie at something? For so many of the women I know and work with, being a beginner, essentially being bad at something, makes them feel overwhelmed and irritable. Bottom line, it makes them fearful.
We have been trained by our families, school and work that being bad at something is not okay. We are graded and evaluated on how quickly we are able to master new concepts and skills. That feeling of not knowing how to do something can trigger old memories of not feeling good enough and feeling the pressure to not fail. The problem with this is that we have to be bad at something at first if we are ever to learn a new skill. Being a beginner is an essential phase of becoming a master. It is unavoidable.
So many of us spend our lives strategically avoiding having to be a beginner.
We stick to a career we are trained for and hobbies we are already familiar with. For many new moms that have been out of school for at least a decade and are well established in their careers, they have not been a beginner at something in a long time. Meaning, this is maybe the first time in over a decade that you have been bad at something. Can you relate?
Here is the rub: your comfort level with begin a beginner is a great predictor of your stress level as a parent.
If you are comfortable being bad at something and learning to improve, parenting won’t feel as hard. However, if being new at something is a stress trigger for you, then parenting can feel like a real struggle.
You may find yourself constantly comparing yourself to moms that don’t seem to be stressed out by parenting. We all know her, she is always calm, she has time to take care of herself, her kids aren’t perfect but she never seems rushed or overwhelmed.
BUT BEWARE: Comparing yourself to others is crap for lots of reasons. Here are two big ones:
- You never really know what is going on with a person. Ever. Period.
- And most importantly, it doesn’t help you improve.
The truth is that the big difference between you and the unstressed mom is that she has a different comfort level with being a beginner. She is able to be bad at something and trust that she will improve. To her, being bad at something is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of learning and progress.
So when you find yourself beating yourself up for sucking at some aspect of parenting, take a moment, breathe and give yourself a freakin’ break. Even if you have been a parent for a long time, kids are constantly changing and our skills must grow and change with them – so we are always learning. It is natural. It is to be expected.
Being a beginner is not a bad thing. It is part of living a full life.
For years now I have had two major desires in my life: help moms live life on their own terms and become a mother through adoption.
After years of working on my business and years of waiting for my child, they both happened in March of 2017. This wasn’t a coincidence. When we hold ourselves back in one aspect of our life it is impossible to grow fully in any aspect of our life.
I have been patiently waiting to be a mother for years, knowing it would happen when the time was right, when my child and their birth family needed us. However, there were some things I felt like I couldn’t do in my business until I became a mom. I wanted so much to give advice to moms about how to make choices that will make their lives easier and get them closer to living life on their own terms. But I thought, who would listen to parenting advice from someone who has never been a parent? So, I had chosen to stay general until I had the credibility of motherhood to back me up. I didn’t realize this at the time but this kept me in the energy of “waiting”. Being in the energy of waiting creates more waiting. Only through action will our lives evolve.
In the winter of 2016 I created Radiant Mama Time Alchemy, my free transformational e-course to help moms create sacred time for themselves in just 7 days. This was my first step into giving public advice to moms – but it was still general because the principles were universal and would be useful for anyone who needed to create more time for themselves. It was a good first step, but I was still playing small.
At the beginning of 2017, I set a goal to do a serious launch in my business. By March 31st, I was going to quadruple my number of private clients. To me, this symbolized going big in my life. For years my coaching business has been my hobby business and I was finally ready to let it be the real deal. I got organized and got serious about manifesting. When I manifest something I set an intention, stay an energetic match for that intention, and take action as if it has already happened.
So I got to work. At the end of February I was inspired to create a digital course, The Mama Manifesto Workshop. This course guides you to escape the chaos and become the confident mama you dreamed of being. After talking to moms for the previous three months I knew that the advice I was able to give them was helping them solve a real problem in their lives, I knew that I could make their lives better. I finally let go of the ego trip and the fear that said I needed to be a parent to give advice to parents, threw caution to the wind, and created the course. The process of creating The Mama Manifesto Workshop was amazing. I knew it was just what the moms I had been talking with needed and I was able to gift the course to three radiant mamas who have had truly transformational experiences as a result of the course.
Though The Mama Manifesto Workshop wasn’t about gaining more private clients, which had been my initial goal by March 31st 2017, it was in alignment with my ultimate goal of helping women live life on their own terms and taking my business to the next level. So, because I was holding on loosely to how I was going to take my business to the next level I switched gears and got this course created, out to three mamas, and started telling the world about it so it could help even more women.
I had never been so in flow with my business. I was working on it every day and having an absolutely amazing time. I was no longer waiting to become a mom to give advice to moms. I finally owned that I had information for them that could literally change their lives and holding that back was selfish. I owed it to myself to use my gifts and I owed it to these moms to help them because I could.
As the end of March approached, I had started getting the word out about The Mama Manifesto Workshop. I was sharing principles from the course on Facebook videos, posting testimonials and coaching sessions from mamas who had taken the course, and running ads. I was totally committed to getting as many moms to know about this course as possible – it was time to help them all rise and allow myself to step fully into my business.
At noon on Wednesday March 29th, I was sitting on my coach working when my phone rang. It was the adoption agency telling me that a woman had given birth on Monday. She was planning an adoption for her son and she had chosen us to be his parents. This was the call we had been waiting for for years.
We traveled to Oregon that day and met the family on the 30th. The experience was better than our wildest dreams. Everyone was open, honest and loving. On Friday, March 31st we walked out of the hospital with our son, his birth mother and his birth grandmother. We said our “see you laters” rather than our “goodbyes” as our adoption is open and our son’s birth family is our extended family. We then got in the car and went to our hotel. For 16 years we had been a family of two. When we clicked his carseat carrier into the car we suddenly became three.
At the beginning of 2017 my goal had been to go big in my business by March 31st, 2017. But instead, by living in flow with the truest version of myself, by not holding back and helping moms with all I had, I was able to receive my truest and deepest dream. On March 31st, 2017 I became a parent.